Cathy's Second Paper Draft / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Cathy's Second Paper Draft.

nataliewilliams 30 Nov 2009 02:51

Cathy

The style of your paper is good. I like that you ended your paper similar to the way you began it. One suggestion, you could try rearranging your paragraphs about the Rickson's so that the parargraphs are together. The evidence you used to support your claims is really good. All of your quotes seem relevant to the points you make. Your arguments are clear and logical. You could try connecting how Cayce's quest for humanity is important in such a globalized society and why people still need to have some individuality. Overall I thought your paper was good.

Last edited on 30 Nov 2009 02:51 by nataliewilliams Show more

Mike Y 18 30 Nov 2009 07:53

You have some good ideas in your paper but there are a few things that you could do to make this much better. The main thing that i noticed is how short most of your quotes are. For me I needed to go back and look up the quotes because I did not remember what they were from. This is a hastle for the reader even if they have read the book because they need to look up the quote to try and connect it to what you are saying in your paper. The other part of this paper that could use some strong help is your conclusion. It is very short and needs to get across a stronger point. This is supposed to be your best paragraph and you need to fix it so it will be the best one and will really improve your paper.