Amy, you put together an excellent first draft, and I think that this final draft improves on it significantly. I'm happy to see that you've condensed your argument somewhat to capitalize on the most major issues at stake and have strengthened the existing arguments with further evidence. The worst I can say of this draft, perhaps, is that it strikes me as a little ambivalent; you come across as almost wanting to argue both for and against widespread Internet usage. While this isn't technically incorrect (the issue is complex, and you need to take account of both sides), if you don't provide a unified argument for your reader to latch onto, you can come across as somewhat uncertain. Even with these misgivings, though, I think it's a strong paper. 95/100
Amy's First Final Draft / Discussion
This is the discussion related to the wiki page Amy's First Final Draft.