Ah Jung's First Paper

Google became a powerful tool for searching information. Everyone seems to like using Google; of course, one of groups that needs the most amount of information, university students, must have been using Google to search information at least once—or living with Google.Unclear Sentence What if free internet access, an air of databases that most people breathe in has been denied by somebody? The result is simply awful: mass insanity, public anger, and immense workload. Someone might ask that how can these disastrous things happen only by banning the access of single site Google? But nowadays, it becomes so true that internet access becomes one of the most essential things that people need to maintain life. And Google is only one of the small examples that show the power that internet exerting on modern life. Moreover, internet access for modern college students becomes more indispensable than any other time in history. Internet access becomes an integral benefit in students’ life in two main efficient reasons: internet access provides students an academic benefit and it supports students’ life in more convenient way.Pick one thesis sentence, your last two sentences can both be used as theses.
In what way efficiency can be described?How can one describe the word efficiency? Convenience and efficiency can often be interchangeably used. The similarity both words have in common is that less time is consumed to do same things.This sentence does not make sense, you need to re-phrase the sentence Internet provides university students huge benefits in academic area. At first, internet exerts its power on in the classroom for students’ own benefit. In recent years it becomes a very common scene that students bring a laptop for class; students take notes, record lectures and use online notes to help themselves to absorb essential of lecture. According to general requirements for clerical jobs for government, people need to type at least 40 wpm (“City of Garden Grove”), and for more competitive job recruitment, even 100 wpm is required often. In this sense, university students, who are very comfortable with using a computer, it is often more efficient to take notes using word processor so that students may not lose any single information from their slow writing speed.
Secondly, Internet provides materials to reimburse and obtain the material beyond the information that has been learned during the class. Different from high school classes those Classes often forcing force students to do their work and to turn the works in on daily bases; most of colleges don’t even bother giving students any homework due to large class sizes. Worse situations happens when professors who are managing several courses that fill up a hall of students; professors are often not as accessible as individual high school teachers were.are not accessible because they are teaching several courses in which there are so many students in each section In this situation, online resources help students immensely. As mentioned above, Google is a great sea of information. —that virtually everything that people wants to know are presentingVirtually everything that people need to know can be presented by google.. For minor question and homework, Google have thecan instantly availablehave the answer from fairly reliable sources of information; and though they are very busy, professors can also respond students question with e-mail. And especially for home works, several sites that specially designed to help students’ without professors’ help or grading, such as “Mastering Chemistry and Mastering Physics” helps students to get a concept and provides a guideline as Professor helps individual student.
The third reason for academic benefit is easier interaction among people even beyond the class time. In many classes, internet is often used as a ground for academic interaction. For example, peer editing, which is very time consuming and not easy to pick time available for both, can be easily done with internet by sharing their essay. Class Wiki site is very useful site for those purpose. Even professor and classmates can leave feedback for what people wrote in whatever time they are available. This common ground for interaction provides not only easy time sharing, but it also encourages students’ participation in class by making class conversation very accessible and easy to catch up. And for side benefit, it is also eco-friendly for saving printing paper.
The last academic benefit that can be gained through internet access is easy data search.
University in general is considered the most effective means towardsa complete intellectual formationteaching institute in society. Thus, students’ life isconsidered as importantto be equally integral asto ** students’ academics, since it isstudent's social development** an integral part in pursuit ofis equally imperative in the construction of thoroughly well rounded individual. In this aspectConsidering this aspect of overall individual progression, the second major reason that awide range ofrelatively liberal level internet access should be encouraged is also the convenient access to information it provides students ** convenience for students. Internet has improved students’ life **through increased effectiveness in organization and communicationother than academic part. Student’s days can’t be managed successfully without internet access. Basically, all social life maintenance can’t be achieved without internetInternet has become inseparable with the successful management of an individual's networking and social life. It is easiest method to use e-mail notification for any kinds of meeting and gathering information through e-mail The implementation of communication through e-mail has proved to be a revolutional innovation that speeds up the exchange of information and enables the sharing of data and ideas in various formats **. Although there exists a bulletin board and flyers that informs about meetings and any upcoming events, people in campus—mostly busy to rush through class to class—don’t have enough time to carefully look through all the flyers randomly attached on campusE_mail provides a much more effective alternative to the archaic bulletin and flyer format that is often inaccessible due to student's time limits . Individual notice through students’ e-mail, however, is an easy method to grab an attention and efficiently letinform** the “particular students,” who need specific information about specific meeting. Thus, it is sensible that **the internet, which is required to use e-mail, should be **is widely approachableaccessible forfrom all spots inon campus.
Internet access inon campus also contributes in many other—though they seem minor—benefits. Package arrival notification,and grade check, suchseem like such little things are seemingly minor benefits, but it enriches life in such a great deal in invisible way. For most of students who are busy, the post office is pretty long way to go to just check whether their stuffs are arrived or not. In this aspect, although package arrival notification is small minor advantage, it greatly helps reducing students’ stress. Also, through the site OAK, checking grade in online also helps students to get stimulated about their grade, and don’t need to rush and change miss record grade at the end of semester.
Internet access can improve the interaction between people, especially for professor and student in a legitimate formal way. Though how close the students and professors are, they have to maintain some formalities in their relationship. Thus, it is not really possible to contact with cell phone number. However, by using internet site and e-mails, students and professors can contact each other in their fastesta more efficient way without interrupting each other’s privacy. This method is very useful when students need to contact professor for excused absence notification, professor need to contact students for an emergent notification about homework assignment, and students need to make an appointment with professor or advisor. Also, internet helps improving facilities for students. The network connection which is usingused for campus internet allows students to build a “home network” that printing and faxing facilities are all shared through single network. It allows students to get rid of excessive cable cords from their tiny room, so that the room could be more organized and space could be used more efficiently; the trivial but significant benefit for wellness.Just add one transition sentence here to make stronger
So far, the significant benefits of internet connection have been grown too much that it is impossible to live without internet—especially for university students. Apparently, there exists significant problems that cannot be bypassed; easy internet access also means easy access to materials that don’t really related to work, nor life. “Facebook” is one good example that all students can’t get rid of—though they strongly feel that they need to stop doing it. Also, one of internet access’ best advantages, e-mail also distracts studentscan be a distraction to working students. Constant need for checking e-mail spontaneously distracts students by not concentrating oninto not doing their work. Moreover, there exists high temptation of easy cheating through using powerful search tools instantlythe internet. These serious numbers of problems sound very convincing to people who support that free internet access should be abolishedconvince people to believe that abolishing the internet is a good idea; however, the strength of the internet in general is contributing too much portion of people’s efficient life in university to sacrifice. Thus, self control and responsibilities for students’ own are required while encouraging the usage of internet access for successful nurturing of well-round future citizens.

You have some very strong points in your essay. Your grammar was the main focus here. Many of your sentences are fragments and do not make sense because there is no subject verb agreement. Your paragraph structure could use some looking over as well because this is a three to four page essay and only has four paragraphs. For some people they get bored easily and one long paragraph will cause distraction and they will no longer want to read on. Just a thought. Other than the few grammar mistakes I can tell that you put a lot of hard work into your essay.

Bibliography
:Current Job Openings." City of Garden Grove: http://agency.governmentjobs.com/gardengrove/default.cfm?action=viewjob&JobID=182565&hit_count=Yes&headerfooter=1&promo=0&transfer=0&WDDXJobSearchParams=%3CwddxPacket%20version%3D'1.0'%3E%3Cheader%2F%3E%3Cdata%3E%3Cstruct%3E%3Cvar%20name%3D'FIND_KEYWORD'%3E%3Cstring%3E%3C%2Fstring%3E%3C%2Fvar%3E%3Cvar%20name%3D'CATEGORYID'%3E%3Cstring%3E-1%3C%2Fstring%3E%3C%2Fvar%3E%3Cvar%20name%3D'TRANSFER'%3E%3Cstring%3E0%3C%2Fstring%3E%3C%2Fvar%3E%3Cvar%20name%3D'PROMOTIONALJOBS'%3E%3Cstring%3E0%3C%2Fstring%3E%3C%2Fvar%3E%3C%2Fstruct%3E%3C%2Fdata%3E%3C%2FwddxPacket%3E
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